Things big t can do without: lackluster zombie movies

Quote of the post:  The past is a phantom that haunts you from the moment it exists until the moment that you don’t.

Braaains…braaaaaains…quality?

The Resident Evil series.  Night of the Living Dead.  Dawn of the Dead.  Land of the Dead.  These are amongst the greats of the wonder that is the zombie genre.  Even House of the Dead 2 had an honest charm (the movie – not the videogame, which needed a dubbing crew that actually knew how to speak English).  I have just, however, been subjected to something that does not even qualify as B-rated.  Zombies, Zombies, Zombies is the substandard tale of a group of strippers and whores that are forced to hide inside a strip bar after coming under attack by zombies, the origin of which is – wait for it – a drug dealer who mistakes an undead-creating virus for crack.  The depths of this film’s plot-related  idiocy does not end here, as the beasties proceed to swell their numbers by killing anyone stupid enough to park in the gore-drenched car park and try to nonchalantly walk past the lurching monsters to buy some horizontal recreation.

Spoiler alert:

(Though if you plan to actually seek this movie out you deserve everything you get)

The movie reaches its climax (no pun intended) when the zombies finally bust into the building and the hero realizes that his blood is the antidote to the zombie virus and thus feeds himself to them, causing them to die in an explosion of red pixels and strawberry juice.

Perhaps my biggest gripe with this parody of all that’s good and gory (though I’m actually still wondering if a parody is what they intended in the first place) is the fact that the black pimp survives.  This classic horror cliché, which, for those of you that are unaware of the finer points of horror themes, means that the black fellow meets his untimely end in the first half of the storyline, has been unsubtly sidestepped, and the African American character in question is the most annoying, rapper/pimp stereotype in known history, to the extent that I wouldn’t be surprised if even liberally-minded members of the unfortunate audience would cheer at his apparent demise and then groan in despair at the revelation that not only has he survived, but is attempting to chain up and continue to whore-out one of his now undead employees.

In conclusion, this film is a prime example of how the latest streak (once again, no pun intended) of zombie films have gone downhill.  A note to future directors of such movies: tits – especially so obviously fake ones – do not make up for a lack of…well, everything else.

And with that, my first gripe is complete.  I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed whining in it.  Cheers.

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  • Comments (1)
    • Felix
    • February 9th, 2009

    Excellent review. Not being a fan of scary movies myself, unless it is really good, I have to say your review of this particular movie has sold me on saving money I would spend to rent it. Keep up the good work and I look forward to your next entry. 🙂

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